We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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