she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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