if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
