Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
