Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
did you just send me my own nude
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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