she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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