"it" just moved
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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