HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
