Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
