my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
