yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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