Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
