Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
