I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
me + whiskey = a bad person
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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