Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
