worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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