Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There are leaves in my underwear?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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