so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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