We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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