I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize