i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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