Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
