this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
