Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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