Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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