I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
