The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
