I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
