he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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