I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
