i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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