K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
