i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
