i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
