I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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