There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
