he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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