so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Enjoy the penises
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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