So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
