two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
