tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
