Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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