he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
