Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
