the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize