are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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