your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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