Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
