I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
