Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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