So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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