that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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