just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
