Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
