just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
