She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
