I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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