I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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