well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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