After last night, I could never be a politician.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
