I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
