watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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