Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
