please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
