ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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