Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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