HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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